Words are sometimes all we have.

I recently went to a funeral of a friend who lost his mom. She was only 55. That is only 2 years older than my mom. At the funeral they talked about celebrating her life and how much they loved her, and how much she meant to them. The thing about it is, she will never hear it. Don't get me wrong, I think it was great that they had such great stuff to say. But it got me to thinking. I want to tell my mom this stuff now. While she is here to know how much she truly means to me. So mom this is for you!!
You have always been there for me. My whole life is filled with memories of you. You gave up so much so that Jennifer and I could be well cared for. You are the true definition of what a mother should be. You taught me the meaning of unconditional love. You have stood behind me and supported me my whole life. You pushed me to be a better person. I think back to when I was a teenager and I know I didn't make it easy on you. I am sure I am in for the same thing with my sons. But I can look back and appreciate the fact that you always stood firm with your beliefs and you did what was right by me even when the other kids got to do stuff that I didn't. You always had rules that you expected me to abide by but you also stepped back and let me make my own mistakes. When I made the mistakes you were there to help me through it. You taught me that life wouldn't be perfect, but to make the very best of it. You instilled in me good values and taught me to love God first, and that every thing else will work itself out. The simple things in life were always important to you and still are as they are for me. That the simple things are the most rewarding. Sitting on the porch, enjoying a sunset, listening to my children's laughter, kissing away their tears when they are sad, just enjoying a long walk. I thank you for all of these lessons.

Your first role was to be my mom, and now you have been promoted to a grandmother. And what a good one you are. You do not even realize how much you mean to our little boys. They love you so much. You raised me and now I watch as you teach the boys the same important lessons in life. They don't even know how lucky they are. It took me till I was grown and with kids of my own to realize the depth of your love. How truly blessed I am. So I just want to say thank you. Even though thank you doesn't even begin to cover what I want to say. I wish I had the words to express...but I can't think of any to express everything I feel. I can only hope to give my sons what you have given me. Pay it forward you know. I love you!!!

Sleep baby Sleep....

Right now I am trying to stay awake because last night I was allowed only 2 hrs. of sleep. When you only get 2 hrs of sleep and have to go to work the next day...well lets just say its a very hard thing to do. I have been having a problem trying to get Eli to sleep threw the night. The last month has been really bad. Eli decided to break himself from the passy. I have tried and tired to talk him back into it. I put it in his mouth and he looks at me like I just grew a second head or something. I am sure this is just the beginning of the crazy looks I will get from him. lol. Anyways beings he broke himself from the passy he has nothing to sooth himself with. So now when he wakes up I have to give him a bottle of water. We end up doing this like 3-6 times a night. This leads to another problem.....a leaky diaper. Which again wakes him up an I have to change him. He is such a light sleeper. This is now an every night process. Well last night was more of the same except Owen also got up twice because of nightmares. Now I know that all moms go threw this kind of stuff and this too shall pass for me. Its just surviving till then....with my sanity intact! Wish me luck and if anyone has any magic tricks for making a baby sleep...well by all means..please send them my way!!!

Twilight....need I say more!

Okay a certain friend of mine,who will remain unnamed ...cough... Elizabeth..cough..cough.. has gotten me hooked...Or better yet addicted to...this series of books called Twilight. Its been a long time since I have picked up a book to read and could not put it down. In fact I am wasting valuable reading time by sitting here blogging. Anyways I just want to say thanks for the new addiction. I can't wait to start the next book!! Gotta go...the book is calling.

Why does self control have to be so hard???

Me and two of my girlfriends are doing a 12 week work out program. Currently we are on week #3. I am also trying to eat healthy....trying being the key word. The first week was the worst part of working out. Part of our program is 5 minutes of walking lunges and 7 minutes of abs. Now you may not think that 5 min. is long, but try walking lunges for that amount of time. You will quickly come to realize that 5 min. can seem like an eternity!! Needless to say that after the first workout we could hardly walk! The abuse we had done to our bodies was criminal, at least it felt like it. Now that I have started to get used to it, its not so bad. The hard part is eating healthy. Its so hard for me to deprive myself of a piece of pie, or some warm homemade cookies, or a brownie...can you tell sweets are my weekness? I feel like I actually need to eat it. Its almost like a drug. As a christian we are supposed to be filled with the fruits of the spirit. Well these consist of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. For me the hardest one to manage is self control...although patience is a close second. Having two small boys makes me really have to practice my patience...but that's another blog. Anyways, back to self control. I don't want to tell myself that I can't eat that cookie or that I have to workout. I am trying to practice self control and make myself. I really want to be a much healthier person, not only for me but for my family. I want to be a good example to my kids so that they will learn to be healthy and strong.

Anyways this is a real struggle for me and the battle wages on. Who will win....me being back in a size 9 jeans or the yummy chocolate chip cookies...only time will tell.

Hour Glass

Today I was sitting at work literally watching the clock, counting the seconds until I reached my freedom. I didn't think this workday was ever going to end. As I was watching the clock the second hand seemed to slow down. It was mocking me....it was like in the movies when everything goes quiet except for the amplified sound of the tick...tick...tick...tick as the second hand slowly made its way around. Now mind you, at this point I still had four hours left in my workday. I had nothing to do, no one to talk to, and couldn't play on the computer because I was "at work". It was during this time that I began thinking about how usually there is not enough hours in the day to get things done that I want to. I feel like I am always running behind. I can't imagine how busy life is going to get when the kids start sports! It was also during this time that I was looking at the pictures on my desk. One is of my oldest son Owen when he was just crawling and now he is almost 4!! Another one is of my youngest son Eli from when he was first born and now he is 8 months old!. I look at my babies all the time and see how fast time goes by. How life doesn't slow down for anyone. So the thought came to me today....Why is it the slow tick...tick...tick..of time only happens when you don't want it to? I want to put that slow clock on my babies...so they can stay babies just a little longer....so I can slow down and watch them grow and not miss anything. I want to put that slow clock on me and my husband when we take a evening walk so I can slow down and enjoy our time together. Live in this moment and not worry about the next. I want to appreciate the blessings God has given to me..not rush through them. Someone once told me that children are on loan to us from God. We only get to keep them for a little while and then we have to let them go. I know that this is a part of life and a part of Gods plan but that doesn't make it any easier on a mama's heart. Knowing this I can only brace myself to the quickness of time. Hold on to every moment that I can, and at the end of the day drop to my knees and thank God for all that he has given to me.

So I leave you with this .....
and through the sands in the hour glass and so are the days of our lives.
(used to be a major Days of our lives fan can you tell...lol)

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust....

This is a very sad time for me and my family. My grandfather passed away this week. He is the first grandparent that I have lost so I am trying to find my way on how to deal with this. He has been sick for about six months and in the last month lost his ability to even swallow due to Parkinson disease. Just thinking about the small function of swallowing that I take for granted every day. The last time I saw him he said all he wanted to do was take a big drink of water but couldn't. He had lost so much weight due to this because he could hardly eat. Finally they inserted a feeding tube to help him get his strength back but things just went down hill from there. He started to lose his thoughts and wasn't recognizing us. So in the end it was for the best for him to go ahead and pass so that he would not be in anymore pain. He was 86 yrs old and lived a blessed life. He loved God and his family and fought in WWII. We miss him so much but I know that its for the best. The hard part is seeing my dad. Its not very often that you see a man broken, but that is the only way that I can describe my dad. I can't even imagine what he is feeling right now. To lose a parent or a child is unthinkable to me. All I can do is be here for him in love and support. Sometimes its hard to understand the hard stuff in life, its always a comfort to know that God is truly in control of everything and that he has his reasons for doing things even if we don't understand. Gods thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and he does all things for good. I take great comfort in this. And to know that he is always there for me.

Risk Widows

We always joke about this but beings a game of Risk is approaching I thought I would blog.
First I must say (although it may sound weird) I am so glad that this is a hobby that Bubba has. I know, I know.....it is a game that takes hours and let me stress the word HOURS to play.
It means a day for me to be stuck with both kids while he gets to play. If he plays at our house it means I have to clean up. It means I have to listen to him talk about his strategies, and how he is going to find a way to beat the Pappas brothers or Aaron and Sutten. It means me walking in on him watching the fight seen and listening to the war music of the movie Excalibur to get him in the "mind set" (issues...I know). But you know what I wouldn't have it any other way because it also means that he is with good friends that I trust. He is not out at the bars, or running the streets like so many wives have to deal with. Usually it means that I get to hang out with the other "Risk Widows" and have girl talk (usually how crazy our husbands and kids are..lol). I have developed good friend ships from this game. So any time Bubba says he wants to plan a game I am usually all for it....unless its on our anniversary....like last time..lol.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....I did!!

Ok...I did survive running the 1/2 Marathon!!!!! Well lets say I ran/walk the marathon. I don't think I would have finished it if I had to run the whole thing. 13.1 miles is almost more than I could rap my mind around but I did it. Although I will say that the morning of the race, when we caught the shuttle to the starting point I had a huge panic attic. I realized what I was about to do and began doubting myself. My husband and my biggest supporter in all I do talked me through it. Told me we were doing it together and no matter how long it took we were going to finish together. He made me relax and told me there were 2 rules: 1) to have fun and 2) to finish what we start. I told him those sounded like very reasonable rules but that I had a third one...No Running Up Hills. Now I don't know if you have ever run up a hill, but that will kill you quicker than anything. So with these rules in mind we started our journey. I must say that I had the best time. There is something about being with all of these people that you don't know headed for the same goal. The atmosphere of the whole thing is so fun. I was doing great. Infact the first 9 miles were a breeze (must have been the addreliane, because I have never done 9 miles before). It was about mile 10 that I started to get tired. Mile 11 and 12 I was really getting tired. By mile 13 my legs were on auto pilot because by this time my body was done. Thankfully I did this with my husband because I really needed the words of encouragement that last bit. That 13th mile was like a month of Sundays. But all of a sudden I could see the finish line. There it was waiting for me. I don't know what came over me but all of a sudden I was ready to go. I wanted to finish hard. So I told my husband "lets go" and we both took off. Now let me explain something about me and Bubba. He has to take two steps to my one. He has always been the athletic one but God gave me the long legs. So when we crossed the finish line...you guessed it, I won....it was only by one second, but I won. And believe me when I say I don't let him forget that he got beat by a girl...lol
This experience was one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I had a blast and we are already talking about doing it again next year. We are going to be doing small runs throughout the rest of the year to keep in shape. The next one is only 5k. A breeze compared to the 13 miles.

I just want to say thank you Bubba for doing this with me!! With you life is always an adventure...wonder what we will get ourselves into next. I Love You!!

Lets play catch up......

This is my first blog so I just want to start out by catching you up.
Well lets see where do I start. I have been married to my wonderful husband for six years. We are entering into a phase of our lives where we are the parents of two kids. My oldest son is Owen. He is three, and let me tell you, everything you hear about a three year old is true!! He definitely keeps me on my toes. He is a smart little bugger, but with smartness also comes his great ability to get himself out of trouble....or at least try to. He is always thinking of ways as to why he is the one right and not me.....I must say I spend alot of my time laughing at the reasons he comes up with. He is my little protector. He can always brighten my day. My other son is Elias, we call him Eli for short. He is four months old. He is my own little monster..litterally...he was born on Halloween. He is the most laid back little baby. He always has a smile to share. You can't help but be happy when you see him smile. He reveals a little more of his personality to me everyday. He just started rolling over last week, so he is now on his way to mobility....all I can say about that is YIKES!! I don't know if I am ready for that or not. I love being a mom. It is the greatest blessing God has given to me. I have to say though, that going from one child to 2 has turned my world upside down. I am now back to sleepless nights with a baby and also getting up when Owen has a nightmare. I am not sure how long a person can survive on very little sleep, but I am going to test it out. Lack of sleep has only affected my mood to the smallest degree....just ask my husband...lol.
I also work 2 days a week at Lightning Source witch is a part of Ingram. I have been with the company for 10 years now!! Wow when I say that it makes me feel so old. 10 years!!! Its been a good job. In fact its been a blessing. Not only has it paid my bills, but its where I met my husband. So I will always be thankful for that.
One other thing that I am doing is running the half marathon this year!!! For anyone who knows me knows that I am in no way shape or form an athlete of any kind. So the fact that I am doing this is crazy. My legs and feet are ready to disown me. I only have one month left before the big race. We'll see how it goes.

....well the baby is crying so I gotta go.